Thursday, April 9, 2015

Remember when...

I gotta admit, I am a "Remember when..." kind of person. I may not always use those exact terms and I have to limit my nostalgia talk because my husband is a "Live for Today" entity... but everyone once in awhile the nostalgia takes over.

It is usually at the change of seasons. When we finally let go of the the winter, spring, summer and fall is when I find myself thinking backwards. I suppose that is a natural part of life. We see the outside world changing dramatically from wind and cold one day to thunder and rain the next and we start to look inward.

I don't look inward in regret anymore. I spent so many years thinking about all the things I "SHOULD HAVE" done different that now a days I mostly look back on the things that brought me happiness. I imagine losing my Grandma two weeks ago also factors into my well of memories today.

Today's nostalgia is about my little girl. She told me the other day that the Easter Bunny doesn't come to her best friend, Emily's house anymore. I asked her if she thought he still came to ours. She said he did but it was said in that I'm not so sure voice, kind of like she knows it will be one more essence of her childhood I lose. I don't do it often around her but she knows that I think time goes by too fast, she knows that I say things like "What happened to my baby? How did you grow up so quick?" I know it has to come eventually, the loss of E.B. and Santa Clause but it's my last link to her being a little girl.

I love being a mother. I love playing Santa Clause, filling stockings and changing the Elf out everyday. I loved being the Easter Bunny, hiding all those eggs, I always make too many eggs just because I love hiding them. I even hide plastic eggs filled with random things. My mother made those holidays exciting for us and in turn I did it for my Gracie. But she is growing up now...

I watched a video today of her losing her first tooth when she was six years old. She was so tiny in her Spongebob pajamas, her voice still carrying that squeak of childhood. It literally made me tear up. What happened?

Life happened, heart attacks happened, work, economic struggles, school, really bad health... I don't have much time left. I keep fighting the tides of my body but everyday I feel worse. Most people don't even listen to me anymore, most people can't see beyond the fact that I don't look sick but when I look back on those videos, I see just how much I've deteriorated. That bothers me.

I'm sure you all treasure your special moments with your little ones. But if you don't, then START, TODAY! If you are a new parent, don't worry about this loss of sleep you are experiencing or the many diapers you are changing. Pretty soon YOU will be looking back at your child losing his or her first tooth and you will wonder "What happened to all this time?"

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE's all you have!!!!

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