An "A" Surprise!

I imagine in some sense we all have a grasp on our own intelligence. I believe that if we succeed and excel at something it's because we are genuinely talented in that genre. Some things we are probably kind of good at, other things probably really great at and some things we should just forget about.

I have literally been in college for 22 years. I've spent so much time in school that I do not think I am good at it. I am so surprised when I do well on an exam or a paper. I am taking four classes right now, four upper division courses; what is in essence the last of my courses needed to graduate. I am doing this while also working full time, forty hours a week and of course trying to be a good mom to my daughter Gracie and do what I can for my family which is limited right now.

I have to admit taking four classes scared the hell out of me. Especially with the fact that I am working at a fairly stressful job. But it's winter, I don't do much in winter and if I was going to be inside all the time I may as well be working on something that accomplished something. I actually LOVE school. I find it so extremely stimulating and it keeps my brain from my turning into jello because my job is actually mind numbing.

I am now in the 7th week of a 16 week semester, about a third done, not quite halfway but probably a little more than a third. I just received my grade for an exam that took me a week to complete. It was a take home exam for my English course. We had a week to work on it. It was basically six essay questions, it was 14 pages long when I was finished. I received a 96% which is basically getting a 100% because my professor does not give perfect scores, ever. He once told me when I received a 95% (last semester) that it was one of the highest grades he'd ever given. Guess I've topped that now. I am amazed. Thoroughly amazed. I was truly worried about this exam.

Why was am I so surprised though? What is it that always makes me think I am going to get a bad grade or a mediocre grade. Hell, getting B's all through college isn't bad but I always have to get A's... I get really persnickety when I don't get an A. Yet, it blows my mind that I get A's.

I would have been happy to be a lifelong college student. I do not really give a care that many people think college is useless or that in order to be a college professor you have to be some kind of democratic, liberal loving, tree hugger.. which of course I am not, I just love school. All that intelligence at work, thinking, trying to create a world that is better.

I have a long time to go before I could even think about being professor... health wise I probably won't even make it but man if I could do it all again, I'd be getting my PhD this May rather than my B.A...