Change

Change is never easy. It requires a whole new thought process. For instance when you move into a new home, suddenly you have to take a different route to work, or maybe change schools, you often receive a new zip code, maybe a new phone number and in extreme cases you go to a whole new state.

Our recent move was just one town over, and it's only about 7 minutes from our old place. Grace does not have to change schools but we'll have a new library, we have a new zip code, a new park district to sign up for classes at... the real change though, of course, comes in the form of the heart. The place we used to call home is no longer our home. The place I went to every night and where I hang my clothes to dry is different. I have to find new ways to maneuver in the new shower which is half the size of the old, one as is the laundry room. We moved into a place that is smaller and unfortunately I had to let go of a lot of my life.

I understand that these are are only "things" as my husband keeps saying. They are bits and pieces that I probably do not need but at one point I did need them, I purchased them or they were letters or cards that I had saved. Some "things" I will not part with, photographs for instance. I save almost every photo I've ever taken or received. However, other memorabilia such as greeting cards or Grace's school work I just had to let go of. I cannot keep hundreds of sheets of paper which she wrote or drew on... I do not have the space. I've also had to let go of some of my Christmas items. This has saddened me deeply... I love Christmas and everything to do with Christmas. Once September hits I am planning my Christmas season. But, I no longer have a basement or garage to store these keepsakes in... OF course I will keep the items that truly touch my heart, that I cherish dearly but I no longer have excess space in which to keep it all!

We are now a family living in an average size condo, with 2 bedrooms, 2 closets, a small front closet and a small storage area on our balcony. I've utilized the space under the bed as best as possible but truthfully every single one of us has had to part with parts of our life that were special to us. Yes, the move was necessary, the struggle we were going through where we lived before was causing serious issues to my already fragile health and starting to affect my only daughter's emotional state, it was time to do something else.

The loss of the only home my daughter knew and the fact that she too had to part with items in her life that she loved made my heart sad. Of course, the joy at seeing my husband resting in our living room while he watched TV and Grace sat with him laughing and care free was immense. Making a good meal for us in our kitchen and sitting down at a real table was truly joyful. The change was beyond good for our family as hard as it has been to adjust to this new place.

I am scared at times... scared that this too will come crashing down around me, frightened that perhaps the change was too big... but we managed to do it. I did not think I was physically capable of getting a new home ready and to be fair, Jeff did a huge amount of the work and my family helped move our belongings but we stuck together. Yes, we had our stressful moments getting our new place ready, we had some arguments, we passed out in extreme pain and exhaustion at one point... but we met the challenge. We got out of the place that was causing us pain, suffering and health issues and have settled into a space that is right for us. It is okay to be a little scared but it is even better to look around your life and see that you are stronger than you think and the ties that bind you to your husband and child are truly unbreakable.