Monday, October 13, 2014

Feeling Like Crap

I honestly don't remember what it feels like to feel good? I imagine it's a good feeling because I do vaguely recollect good times in life when I was having fun, when my body didn't want to give out on me at every turn.

I only worked five hours today, which means I now have four days to work 35 hours.., I have to find some way to make up three lost hours and I have to leave early on Wednesday for classes. I was about to pass out at my desk today and knew that I couldn't stay any longer. I have no sick days at work and no vacation time so I have to be there no matter how awful I feel...

I can't explain what is wrong exactly. It's a general malaise combined with nausea and an overall weakness of the limbs. Walking is hard, I feel dizzy, I am exhausted beyond all belief. I came home at 3:00 today and slept until almost 7pm and I will be going back to bed shortly.

I am 41 years old. Yes, 41. I am young by all means. My body is worn out though. My heart is failing, my brain is so tired. Every part of my body hurts and I want to sleep all the time. I can't walk very well anymore and whenever I do anything strenuous I am down for days. I had a busy weekend and that is all I can think to account for my overall lack of energy today. But it's hard to be young in age and know that your body doesn't feel right. I wish I was twenty again. I wish I could stay up all night and then go to work in the morning. I wish I didn't feel ill all the time. I wish my back didn't hurt. I could barely walk out to my car today and I'm not feeling much better now. I am only hoping that sleeping some more will enable me to work tomorrow.

If this sounds like whining, forgive me, it's not meant too. It's meant to give you moment to be grateful for your excellent health. It's meant to let you think a bit about your health and let you know that you are lucky if you don't suffer from any of the diseases that just wreck your body.

You won't always feel this good. Age will get you eventually but enjoy it now. Live it fully, run with your kids and make love to your spouse because someday your body will start to let you down and you will wish that you didn't feel mortally ill every time you did anything.

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