Wednesday, July 23, 2014


I am always struggling with what to write here...this is my personal blog and my personal fundraiser so I want you the reader to feel connected to my experience. However, I also want you to feel a sense of empowerment, a sense that your life is your own and you need to take charge of it.

I want you to understand the daily struggles a person with diabetic complications goes through and yes, I want you to feel compelled enough to want to help, to want to help me through another day.

I want you to believe in yourself and what you can do to help those around you. We don't live forever. That is a fact. Accept it. We will all go somewhere else someday as will those around us. It's a sad fact and not one that many people want to accept.

I have NO choice but to accept it. I am living day by day now, never knowing if today is going to be day that I cannot get out of bed or another heart attack strikes me. I don't know as I go to work everyday if I am going to make it through the day without my legs swelling up on me to the point that I cannot walk anymore. I don't know that tomorrow won't find me with chest pains so bad that I am forced to the ER.

That is my life. Those possibilities are all real to me and something that I must face daily. I must also face a mountain of medical bills that I am having trouble paying, while still buying groceries, paying for my insurance, paying for my medications and providing a home for my child. The injustice of it all is that I do work. I am not sitting at home collecting a paycheck from the state or getting food help. I have no issues with people that need that help either. I understand the need for assistance and I help people filing out aid forms or helping them understand how the system works. However, right now I am not utilizing any of that because I do have a job that I am able to get to everyday, it just doesn't provide for all I need. I will continue to work as long as I can and that is because I want too succeed at the career I have worked for 15 years to develop. However, in that instance the financial issues a major illness brings to a family are extreme and I cannot continue to provide for my family and my health care.

If it comes to the point that I cannot buy medications for my heart and my diabetes supplies or pay for my doctors treatments than I will die that much sooner. Yes, I am dying. Yes, I am on a journey that has an inevitable end. BUT--- I AM HERE NOW! I am still managing day by day and I am trying to organize my life such that my daughter and husband are taken care of and that I can continue to work and live as long as possible.

I cannot do that without your help though. If I cannot manage to pay down these medical bills and find some way out of this medical debt than I am not going to be able to carry on with treatment and basic living needs. As it is we are living in a very sparse living space that isn't really even a home but gives us a roof over our heads. I want to live as long and productive of an existence as I can so that my daughter knows her mom tried everything. I want Grace to understand that I loved her to every ends of the earth and I did everything I could to make it a few years more.

YOU can help do that. YOU can help provide me with the help needed to buy my medications and diabetes supplies that will give me a better life and possible more months than I am currently looking at. Right now I am afraid to even think about more tests and medications because I cannot afford to add anything else to my plate.

I want you to understand that anything you donate goes to pay off high cost doctors, hospital and lab bills. Anything you donate helps buy medication and pays for diabetes monitoring that will give me and my doctors a better understanding of why my numbers vary so much. I will answer any questions you have. I will send you itemized letters of where I put your money if you desire. Most of all I will thank you everyday for the rest of my life. For each person that has already donated, my heart is thankful and I say a blessing for that person or family because they reached out and HELPED a family in need.

Even a few dollars goes towards my family and what we are having difficulty with. Your donation helps me to feel less stress, helps me to pay off medical bills and keeps debtors from harassing me everyday, which causes me extreme stress and leads to more heart problems.

I understand it's difficult for everyone these days. I understand you may not have anything to give but even if you share this maybe someone else will have something to give. Maybe someone you know will understand what I am going through and be willing to help me.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for following my journey. I hope one day to be freed of this burden and be able to enjoy life once again!

You can find my fundraising site on my sidebar and right here:

As always--- LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!

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